Bookish Beer T-Shirts You Didn’t Know Existed

Did you know that fake bookish beer is a thing? I didn’t, until very recently.

I wish they were real beers so that I could drink them while making many bookish puns; but, alas, they don’t exist in the real world yet. The good news is that they’re real enough to have logos and t-shirts: which I can (and probably will) wear while drinking other beers and making bookish puns.

Care to join me? 

Mordor Dark Ale

ONE BEER TO RULE THEM ALL. Mordor Dark Ale has the most badass slogan, which is exactly as it should be.

I’d fear the hangover from this bookish beer, though. I bet it’s potent. And habit forming. (Hobbit forming? We can hope.)

Wizzard's Old Peculiar magically crafted ale from the Ankh-Morpork Brewery. Terry Pratchett-themed fictional beer t-shirt.
Wizzard’s Old Peculiar: magically crafted ale from the Ankh-Morpork Brewery. This one sounds mildly alarming. Things related to the Ankh-Morpork wizards rarely turn out exactly as one would expect. I bet Wizzard’s Old Peculiar makes for good parties, though.

One must always pour one out in honor of Terry Pratchett while drinking Wizzard’s Old Peculiar.

Golden Hall Ale from the Brewers of Rohan. Lord of the Rings shirt.
Golden Hall pilsner from the brewers of Rohan.

“Drink to Ruin and the World’s Ending” is a pretty awesome toast. I may have to try that out sometime.

As You Wish Ale from the Fire Swamp Brewing Company. A Princess Bride t-shirt.

As You Wish Ale from the Fire Swamp Brewing Company.

Yum. I bet this one tastes…swoonworthy. Rakish, charming, and good with a sword. Somewhat piratical. Blonde.

Rivendell Cider t-shirt. Lord of the Rings fictional brewery.
Rivendell Cider from Imaldris Brewery.

You know cider from Rivendell would be ridiculously delicious. Refreshing beyond belief. And probably also make you taller, your ears pointier, and your skin more ethereal.

Harry's 4 House Ale from the Sorting Hat Brewery. Harry Potter beer t-shirt.
Harry’s 4 House Ale form the Sorting Hat Brewery.

I have mixed feelings about this one. The logo is beautiful, with the realistically-drawn Hogwarts house mascots. But do you see that note at the bottom? It says “100% Wizardly Pure.”

Doesn’t that sound a little Death Eater-ey to you? I don’t want to support a brewery with ties to Voldemort. I think I would need more information about this bookish beer’s investors before I purchased any of its merchandise.

Bookish beer t-shirts - Butter Beer from Harry PotterYou’d be the coolest kid in the Leaky Cauldron in this brightly graphic Butter Beer tee.

If only it could answer the eternal question: what on earth could ButterBeer actually taste like? Butter + beer? I just don’t know.

Baratheon - the King's Liquer. Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) t-shirt.

Baratheon – the King’s Liquor.

What exactly is it? Unknown. But I recommend you pick some up quickly, because I somehow suspect it won’t be around for long. At the very least, they’ll at least have to change their slogan.

Stormborn coffee T shirt - Game of Thrones reference

Here’s one for the morning after.

Stormborn coffee, to perk you up after all that bookish beer drinking. Guaranteed to be strong and also the mother of dragons.